Introduction – Life Truths That Changed Everything for Me

Hearing the words “Evelyn, you’ve got cancer” lead me straight to the thought I’m going to die.  For a moment, I felt like I was going to faint right there, sitting in the chair opposite the doctor.  The diagnosis hit me hard, and I was shocked that my first reaction was so instantly hopeless.  Thankfully, I am a naturally positive person, and I didn’t dwell there for too long.  I admit that some days were harder than others, but I kept focused on dealing with manageable chunks, taking one baby step at time, and one day at a time.  I found it easier to stop worrying about tomorrow and stay grounded in the here and now. Cancer has been a crazy rollercoaster, with many ups and downs, but one thing is certain, it has taught me several profound truths about life.  Spending time alone with my thoughts wasn’t always easy, but it helped me to uncover some powerful lessons that I carry with me. I hope sharing these five lessons brings comfort and strength to you, too.

1. Your Path Is Yours Alone, Walk It with Confidence.

From the moment I began making decisions about what my cancer recovery journey, I realized that no one could choose my path but me. I say this because have you ever noticed how easy it is to be influenced by the people around you?  Whether it’s your friends, your family, or even well-meaning strangers.  Their advice and opinions are often loud and persistent, and we follow it because we believe it will be the easiest route.  But this ease can come at a cost, because what we’ve done is hand over the power of our lives and then we end up regretting the decision when things don’t work out. Sound familiar?

Being diagnosed with cancer and knowing that every decision I made regarding my treatment and recovery would lead to an outcome that would be solely mine, made me very selective about who I listened to.  In fact, I would think carefully before I allowed the person to speak and share their opinions and advice.  It was hard enough trying to process the barrage of thoughts that were going around in my mind, why would I want to fill it with anything extra from someone else?

I gave careful thought to every decision I made and only when I could confidently accept the outcome, whether it be good or bad, would I go ahead and make my decision. My choice, my outcome.

There is no doubt that when we make decisions there are consequences and it got me thinking…why wasn’t I careful before? Careful with the decisions that I made in everyday life? We only get one chance at this life and it’s important to make choices with care.  Now, instead of making hasty decisions, or being influenced easily by others, I ask myself the question; “What is best for me?” 

2. Your Mind Is Your Superpower – Use It Wisely.

Your mind shapes your reality. What we think becomes real for us.  Have you noticed how when you’re feeling sorry for yourself, or you blame others for where you are in life, life does not improve? It just keeps giving you more reasons to wallow in self-pity.  I have learned to consciously choose a positive mindset, even when life feels tough.  Here’s how:

Talk to Yourself with Kindness.

My family must think I’m crazy, because I often give myself pep talks out loud!  I’ll say: “Evelyn, it’s time to get a grip” or “Evelyn, it’s time to make a change, what’s it going to be?”  I believe it’s important that we become aware of how we talk to ourselves, what words we use, what tone?  I can be so hard on myself, using words that are harsh, full of criticism and judgement. Some days I’m not proud of my self-talk, but I’m learning to catch myself, to stop, rephrase and react in a kinder way.  I ask myself: “Would I speak to a friend in the same way that I’m speaking to myself?” and if the answer is “no”, I change the narrative immediately. Afterall words become actions.

Gratitude is My Reset Button

Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools we have.  You can’t feel anger, jealousy, envy, disappointment or even frustration while thinking about something or someone you’re grateful for.  It keeps your mind focused on the good instead of circling in a negative thought pattern.  Try listing ten things you’re grateful for, right now.  You might find it difficult at first, but the more you try the easier it becomes. You will eventually notice yourself appreciating the simple things in life; like the birds singing outside, a smile from a stranger, your pet’s love, or simply being alive. If you feel like doing something fun, download my A-Z of Gratitude Challenge and see how many things you can think of using the alphabet.

Use Positive Affirmations

Daily affirmations are another way to keep our minds focused on the positive in our lives.  I either make up my own, or I search for one on Google that resonates with me.  One of my favourite affirmations to use is “I am a magnet for miracles.”  It is simple and full of possibility.  If you need help finding one that works for you, please check out the Affirmation download in my shop.

The Power of Pause

How often do you stop what you’re doing when you feel overwhelmed, irritated or frustrated and just take a moment to PAUSE and breathe?

It does such wonders for our mental state and nervous system, yet we seldom do it.  I challenge you to try it when life gets crazy!  Stop, find a quiet place to sit, even if it’s in the bathroom, and focus on your breathing for as long as you can.  Breathe in through your nose for the count of 4 and then breathe out through your mouth, also for the count of 4. Please make sure you count while you’re breathing because giving your brain something to do calms a busy mind.

Limit the Noise

I also limit my exposure to social media.  I find that this helps me guard my mind from being bombarded by the ‘noise’ in our world. I’ve learned to protect my peace by stepping back.

3. Surround Yourself with Soul-Aligned People.

The people in your life either lift you up or drain your energy.  Look around, how supportive are the people in your life?  Your friends, your family, your colleagues?  Do they see your light and encourage you to grow? Do they love and appreciate you as you are?  To live a happy and successful life we need to be surrounded by the right people.  The ones that are there to support us, no matter what.

When you are navigating something difficult like cancer, there is no room for anything less than love, support and presence. I quickly saw who my true friends were, those who genuinely cared and showed up. Some people naturally fell away.  Others, though kind, were too pushy or dramatic for the space I was in.  That’s where boundaries came in.  Boundaries are not about shutting people out, they’re about protecting your energy.  You don’t need a crowd.  You need a few soul-aligned people who see you, support you and love you as you are.  Do you need help identifying those people or setting boundaries?  Check out Your Inner Toolkit in my shop for help.

4. Victim or Victor. The Choice Is Yours.

One of my favourite quotes is by the Greek Philosopher Epictetus.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

We cannot control what life throws at us.  And yes, it’s natural to feel like a victim when tough times hit.  I certainly did when I was diagnosed.  But we can’t stay in that space forever.

I started checking in with myself regularly:

• Am I playing the victim?
• Are my thoughts empowering me or draining me?
• Do I need to pause and breathe?

Eventually, I shifted from believing life was happening to me to trusting that life was happening for me. That change in mindset made a massive difference to how I coped with my diagnosis.

Avoid “Time-Travelling”

Our minds love to worry about the future. I call it “time travelling”.

When I catch myself spiraling, I say “Evelyn, you are time travelling, let’s be here now.”  Then I list a few things I’m grateful for in the moment.  This helped me immensely after my surgery when I felt overwhelmed.  The present is all we truly have.  Focus on now.  Focus on today.

5. Create a Self-Rescue Plan. Be Your Own Hero.

Here’s a truth that may sting a little:

No one is coming to save you.

But here’s the good news:

You are your greatest power.

When life is hard, we often wait, wait for a doctor, a partner, or a situation to fix everything.  But waiting keeps us stuck. Even taking one small action can help begin a shift.

Creating a plan to help yourself isn’t selfish.  It’s self-honouring.  You’re worth putting in the effort to change your circumstance.  I always remind myself that we only get one chance at our life experience.  I want to thrive not just survive. How about you?

I remember lying in a High Care hospital room with five other women.  I watched them lie there, refusing physio, refusing food, even calling for bedpans out of sheer unwillingness.  I couldn’t believe it.  They had handed their power over.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to go home.  I took every step I could toward healing.  And I believe that my efforts made all the difference.

If you need to make changes to live a happier life, a better life, I encourage you to start working on a plan of action. Your plan.  What do you need to do to change your circumstance?  Is it a difficult step?  Can you break it down into more manageable actions?

Ask yourself:

• Is my life how I wish it to be?
• If not, what small step can I take today to begin changing it?

Journaling is a powerful tool that helps me. When I write about what is going on in my life, my inner wisdom shows up. But, it’s hard to hear that inner wisdom if our minds are filled with noise and negativity.  Find stillness.  Breathe.  Sit in nature.  Calm your thoughts.  And then take one small step forward.

Final thoughts:  You Are Worth It.

We only get one life.  Let it be joyful, meaningful, and true to who you are.  Be kind to yourself.  Sleep when you’re tired. Unplug when you need to.  Do things that make you feel alive, walk in nature, dance in the kitchen, laugh with your pets, play your favourite music.

You are not here to simply survive; you are here to thrive.

And your journey begins with one powerful truth:  You hold the key.

Have you discovered any life truths on your journey?  I would love to hear them.  Please feel free to comment below or send me an email to evelyn@evelynalessandri.com.

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